Despair By Design - OST Composing Jam #7
A downloadable soundtrack
Sadly, I discovered this jam a little late & have been busy dealing with lots of general life admin while recovering from back-to-back jams, meaning I only had a few stolen hours over a couple of days to work on something. It's a shame, as I would have tried to make more tracks for it otherwise.
Anyways, I wanted to at least make something for it, and this is the result, haha.
I can only apologise if it's a little rough around the edges >.< I currently don't have a proper PC to work on after the new one I bought was delivered faulty twice :( So I'm stuck using a potato laptop, which struggles to run most things.
While I did finally buy FL Studio recently, admittedly, I don't entirely know how to use it and am a total noob, so I'm still kinda making tracks with it the same way I used to with Audacity, haha.
The BPM in the screenshot is incorrect as a result of the above. I set it to that initially but wound up changing the tempo of a few samples individually. I then didn't know how to change the overall project BPM without stretching all samples in the project and messing things up >.<
I've never had any education or training when it comes to making music. I just decided to give it a shot one day and now I'm obsessed xD It's probably my favourite aspect of game dev at this point!!
Aaaand, I also don't own any actual speakers >.< So I can only test audio in my headphones!
Despite all that, I hope you will enjoy what I managed to make in the time I had :3
THEME
[image]
Okay, so, firstly, I adore the artwork used for the theme of the jam :D It's funny because I've been playing with the element of water recently while making a micro-visual novel for O2A2 VN Jam!
Unfortunately, while O2A2 did slightly overlap with this jam, I finished the track I made specifically for that a tiiiiny bit before this OST composing jam began, so I figured I'm not able to submit the track I made for that project, which sucks because it would have been a perfect fit for the theme, haha.
I haven't managed to properly release the track yet with a video on YouTube, but I've got it on YouTube Music. The game I made it for can be found here.
Anyways, there's a particular sample that reminds me of whale song which I've used in both tracks because I love it so much :3
And I just thought it would be a cool way to link the tracks somehow since they were both made for concurrent jams.
While both are very different tracks in tone and energy, I wanted them both to feel as though you are submerged when listening.
[text - "inside my world"]
This one is gonna be tough to explain without rambling a lot xD
As you can probably imagine from my username, I am often melancholic, haha. I've struggled with anxiety & depression all my life, along with receiving an ASD diagnosis in adulthood.
With so little time to work on a submission, I figured it was easier to look inward for inspiration, so have taken the theme quite literally, haha.
This track is an attempt to bring listeners directly into my world. Inside my stupid brain that goes to some really dark places x3
I have always felt I could express my emotions better through music than words. Despair By Design is a little piece of the all-encompassing despair I often experience. It's slow & suffocating.
With the vocal version of the track, I tried to come up with some lyrics that also tie in with the other part of my dev name & past experiences.
Sadly, many autistic people like myself are taken advantage of because we can't always accurately read the intentions of strangers. This has led me into some dangerous situations in the past where I have trusted those who were nice to me, only to later discover that they didn't help out of the goodness of their hearts after all.
These people sort to take from and control me. I waltzed right into their hands, singing their praises even, putting them on pedestals for being so kind as to acknowledge my existence in a world where I often felt invisible.
The lyric "Eyes glisten through masks with stares that sting" is supposed to be a reference to it often seeming like no one ever wears their true face, especially not when trying to manipulate. Yet somehow, a hint of their evil intentions bleeds through the mask, filling me with dread.
The marionette part of my dev name comes from always feeling like I have little control over my life, always at the mercy of others tugging at my strings.
The last lyric "Strung up by my strings." is supposed to represent that sentiment.
While it may be a very personal piece, I feel like the music and the lyrics could also apply to a psychological horror narrative that focuses heavily on some kind of cult. With the story showing how easily it is for something you initially view as a blessing to instead turn out as a curse.
Vocals
Sooo, this is the first track I've released that actually features my own vocals, and I'm still not sure that was a good idea x3
Technically, there is one other (the main theme I made for Apartment No.9), but that's only in the game and currently not released anywhere (not to mention the fact that my singing is awful >.<)
Granted, I have obscured my voice with FX, haha. The dry vocals are... horrific, haha. I also didn't use my regular speaking voice when recording either because I tried it with my actual accent and it just sounded wrong xD I don't really know what the accent I went with is supposed to be, but it sounded better than my true one at least!
Still super cringy to listen to though T_T
Lyrics
When I was lost
Afraid & alone
They took me in
Gave me a home
But I was blind to build their shrine
These people are monsters, not divine
Crawling, crying, my soul confined
Hope to despair by their design
And now I'm trapped
I can't get out
Can barely breathe, but I scream & shout
Eyes glisten through masks with stares that sting
Suffocated, strung up by my strings
Imaginary Game
Since the aim of the jam is to compose music for an imaginary game that doesn't exist, it would be crazy not to have an intended use beyond the theme of the jam x3 Granted, I have no real concept to present, as I lacked the time to think of one T_T
While I adore making OSTs for my visual novel projects, I often have a hankering to work on music that wouldn't really fit into a VN.
Though, I will never stop trying to squeeze unusual tracks into my games, like the pseudo-dubstep track in Dawn of the Damned, or LOVESTARVED's bass-heavy main theme!
Despair By Design isn't a track I can see working in a VN >.< Maybe it would somehow, depending on the game...
While making it, I had more of a sort of creepy cult-themed psychological horror game in mind, haha.
Like an ending theme for something like the Dark Pictures Anthology games! (which I adore, btw... Supermassive's games are just <3)
I guess the off-vocal version might also work in some sorta post-apocalyptic setting, whether that be with zombies, monsters, or something else!
Anyways, I've rambled A LOT, so I will shut up in a second and just plop the videos here and shut up x3
Cover Art
For the cover art, I did a whole bunch of editing of a piece of art my friend originally created for a project we worked on together last year called Tunnel Vision.
So the original image is a CG image from the game drawn by Lazy Polar Bear :3
I won't post that here since it would contain minor spoilers for the game. But yeah, I just figured with having the strings in the imagery, it would be a good one to edit & repurpose for this!
Using The Track
While I only really intended for this to be for personal listening, I don't mind if fellow indie devs (or indie creatives of any kind) want to use it in their non-commercial projects :3
If you do end up using either of the tracks, please credit me by name [Melancholy Marionette] & also either link to this page as part of the credits, or to the videos on YouTube.
(I would also love to see what you used it in if you do, so feel free to poke me!)
I say non-commercial only because, at the end of the day, I don't make money from anything I create >.< so it would be kinda cruel if someone else somehow made money when I'm getting nothing, haha.
I can't imagine anyone will want to use it anyways, but in the event that you do want to use it in a commercial project, please contact me to discuss it.
THE VIDEOS CONTAIN SOME HEAVY GLITCHING EFFECTS, SO MIND YOUR POOR EYES!
Thanks for listening <3
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Comments
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Chilling in the best worst way possible. It's been a long time since any song made me feel so seen, and you threw it together in your spare time. I hope it's alright if I add this to my playlist (with credit of course) for when I stream. Even if not... Just... Damn. 10/10
I’m so glad to hear it resonated with you! Thanks so much for checking it out and taking the time to leave such a nice comment :3
It’s more than fine if you want to add it to your streaming playlist :D I’m honoured that you think it’s worth using/listening to! And the credit is much appreciated :3
With any luck, I’ll be able to get it on Spotify sometime this year, but I feel like the vocal part needs tweaking a little first, haha.
Thanks again for checking it out!!
Resting? What's that? I never heard of it!
Hey, love the song! It felt very cinematic, and the vibe reminded me a bit of Terra Battle's main theme, which is a total and absolute compliment! And yes, it's ambiented in an apocalyptic world lol So I totally see this working in the settings you described above.
I think you worked on the layers pretty darn well, and managed to keep it entertaining. The vocals add sooo much to it, if you ask me, they are the main dish of the soundtrack. It's what gives it the extra punch and moves up front during an scene! While then it can go back to wait in the background, acompanying the game.
Anyways, great job!
Hehe x3 I’ve actually been going to bed early this past week… to get up at 6am and count moths xD It’s National Moth Week, woooo :D Hope you have been having yourself some restful times!!
Thanks so much for checking it out :3 I had to go look up Terra Battle ofc x3 If it’s the right one that I found, seems like a shame it stopped service! Especially if it’s the one with a Nobuo Uematsu soundtrack >.< The FFX OST is still one that I come back to listen to time and time again. Even if it was only a bit, I’m glad if it could give similar vibes, and even more glad that you think it could work in that kind of setting as described :D
It means a hell of a lot that you think that about the vocals! I started out feeling like a total moron for releasing the vocal version of the track cos I was so embarrassed xD but the jam community has been so kind and supportive that even though I still feel it’s sorta cringy, I don’t feel total shame over it anymore, haha.
Now my only regret is discovering the jam so late cos I would absolutely have spent hours upon hours on making something else if I had the time xD There’s always next time though!
Thanks as always for appearing from the ether and shining some light on my day :3 Listening to all the epic music others have made for the jam has brightened my mood in general, but I’m still a very grumpy bunny at not having a PC right now, haha.
Hope things have been going decently for you! Congrats on the Second Impact demo btw! It looks bloody amazing!! Hope all goes smoothly with development :3
National Moth Week? Now, that's a new one, never heard of it! I'm more concerned about them ruining my flour... xD
And yes, I mean *that* Terra Battle. It had Sakaguchi behind it (The guy from FF 1 to 9 xD), and it was bloody amazing. The song I meant was the main theme, that one that goes "The heart to believe... keeps me aliveeee" Or something like that lol. Also, I'm asuming you mean To Zanarkand, one of the best songs the inhabitants of this planet have ever produced? Then glad you listen to it often! lol
I saw this one late too, and had to bail from trying because i'm taking a break to reach spooktober as fresh as I can lol And after releasing the game you just mentioned (Glad you think it looks dope!!) I'm really needing it lol
As allways, a placer trading comments with you! Hope your moth count doesn't get too high xD
It’s called that, but apparently, it takes place worldwide, haha. I’m a big lover of moths & butterflies, so I do moth trapping as a hobby x3 Got a lil light trap to lure em in, then I can record them to help with citizen’s science stuff & surveys for conservation purposes, and ofc, admire their floofy cuteness :D Keep em safe in the day, then release em at dusk.
Ahh, right, noice! I feel like I probably missed out >.< then again, I’ve missed out on a lot of good stuff the past 5 years or so T_T
Tbh, I still adore almost the entirety of the FFX OST, but To Zanarkand is particularly special… totally doesn’t make me tear up “>.>
FFX was one of the first games to make me cry in general, haha, but I think the soundtrack contributed a lot to that x3 I also still randomly sing The Hymn Of The Fayth to myself sometimes when the house is empty xD
That’s a shame about the OST comp jam but makes total sense! And is a far more sensible decision than I often end up making x3
I still don’t know what to do about Spooktober >.< I thought I might skip it entirely this year cos I wanted to try and finish LOVESTARVED in time for the end of Monstrous Desires Jam around the end of October, but not having a PC for the foreseeable future has kinda killed that hope already, haha.
Part of me wants to ask if anyone will have me on their spooky team to make some music :3 Cos I still would love the challenge of making an OST for someone else’s project rather than my own! (and also... just any excuse to make more music really x3)
I just know I don’t wanna lead any more Spooktober projects whether I have a working PC or not, haha. It’s too much x3
I hope you do manage to have yourself a proper break so you can storm into Spooktober though :D
Right back at ya! :3 But nooooo, I want AAAAALL the moths :P Come to me, my beauties!! I had 1 very pretty Jersey Tiger moth come sit on my shoulder while I did the count the other morning, and it was so cute :D
This lil cutie showed up too, which is one I’d never seen before, so I got excited like the nerd I am x3 You cannot deny its fuzzy adorableness!!!
Awwww come on, moths were you live are lovely! The ones I get are all brown, and love to ruin my food lol I rarely see the pretty ones with designs in their wings and all that :P
FFX is one of my favorites, out of FF and out of all JRPGs in general. It made me tear up too, but in some joyfull way! Specially since the version I had was the one that shows you an extra scene that really helps you cope with the ending, that I'll avoid naming in case someone ever reads this xD
Didn't play the second one because with that, to me, it was closed. In total perfection, the rest was up to imagination :P
I saw LOVESTARVED and I was tempted to play as the premise seems super interesting and it just looks awesome xD but then Otome isn't really my genre lol, still it looks freakin' awesome, and if that is what your heart tells you to do, you really should!
If you end up trying to just join a team, and are willing to collaborate with me on making music for the project I have in mind, I'd be honored to have you join! I'll probably need some help, as I allways end up loosing time throwing water out of the boat and never get to finish the OST in time during the past two spooktobers. Besides, you do know how to do techno and all that. I just uhm... give me my string quartet and guitars pls xD So if you end up down that road and feel like it, don't hesitate on hitting me up on discord!
Also, again, THAT'S ONE CUTE MOTH, I now understand your hobby xD
xD I would say that where I live (the UK) we have some of the most boring moths of any geographical location, haha. Sure, we do have plenty of stunners too! But a lot of them are just small and brown >.< I am forever jealous of places with moths the size of your palm x3
We do have tiny ones in the house that apparently eat organic matter, but we’ve never actually noticed them on our food, haha. They just seem to chill and not do a great deal xD
Ahh, nice :D I can’t actually remember which version I had first besides it being on PS2 because I did also go and replay it when it got re-released years later on with the HD remaster on the Switch, haha. I did play FFX-2 though because the appeal of the dressphere system was too much to resist x3 and it was a lot of fun! It was definitely a much more casual, goofy sorta game, but I loved it nonetheless :3
I’m glad you thought LOVESTARVED looked funky :D LPB and I were very much on the same wavelength when it came to the art & music, so I feel like we managed to achieve the sort of visual and audio aesthetics we had in mind for the world :3
We will be making a non-otome version at some point with the ability to choose both the protagonist & the love interest’s genders, but our priority is the full otome version before adding more options, haha.
We’re almost definitely screwed for even finishing it this year though cos I won’t be getting a PC until around the end of August, and there’s no guarantee it’ll work when it arrives since the others have been buggered >.<
I would absolutely love the opportunity to collaborate with you on music stuff for spooktober :D That’d be bloomin' awesome, haha. I have a bad feeling I would likely end up being more of a hindrance than of help though >.< Like if you needed something done in a certain way, there’s a 99.9% chance I would have no idea how to achieve it T_T
Like when we were supposed to have an audio engineer on our spooktober team last year and she asked me what standard we were working to for audio… I had literally no idea what she was talking about >.< It’s not something I’d ever been asked before by voice actors, and since I’d just been pootling along making music by myself, it had never occurred to me to have a system in place to make sure all project audio was somehow equal in volume because that in itself seemed impossible, and something I could semi-fix by adjusting volume levels of different things in the actual game code, haha.
Anything remotely technical, and I’m clueless >.< The last thing I’d want to do is make things harder for you! Or worse, potentially mess up your project :( If a leader’s instructions are just, make a track for a scene where X happens, or represent X emotion etc. I can do that, haha. Or just give me concept art and a vague outline of an idea, and I should be able to come up with tracks to suit stuff. But if a specific genre is required that I’m not familiar with, or a request is quite specific in general, I’m not overly confident I’d be able to make something the team would be content with.
I just don’t wanna ruin anyone’s projects, haha. I guess see how I feel and stuff closer to the time! Although, with team building beginning soon, that doesn’t leave all that long >.< I’m definitely burnt out again at the moment because I’m an idiot and didn’t take a break sooner x3 I hope that your break is a sufficient one to feel ready for spooktober :3
Hehe :D Tbh, they are all cute to me x3 but that one is pretty special in the cute department! It’s like a lil Pokemon or something!!
This OST is fire🔥 I think your vocals give the song a very cool dramatic edge to it too :)
Thank you so much ^-^ I was really anxious about releasing the version with the vocals in, so this makes me feel less embarrassed by it x3
Unrelated, but I’ve had Roses and Thorns on my backlog of stuff I want to play!! It looks so cool :3 I just never allow myself enough time to play stuff, so my backlog has become huge >.< I also hope to manage to play most of the games from this year’s O2A2 jam, and I saw you submitted to that too :D
You're very welcome!
Btw Darling Duality and Yandere Heaven are literally some of the beat visual novels I've ever played :)
Ahhh, now I have many warm fuzzies x3 I’m so glad you liked them! My stupid brain sucks at taking compliments, but I really appreciate your kind words :3
I kinda have weird mixed feelings about my Yandere Heaven fandub project cos according to the analytics on itch, it seems to be my most downloaded/viewed project… On one hand, that’s great! I’m thankful that people are checking it out :D On the other hand, it makes me a tiny bit sad that people are more interested in that than my original projects with original stories/characters xD
Yo tell me about it xD I made a SUPER cringy Haikyuu fan game when I was like thirteen and it had more downloads than all my other games combined. Stresses of being a game developer 🥲
xD Oh no >.< I guess the main thing to ask ourselves at the end of the day is, did we have fun making it? And if the answer is yes, nothing else should really matter all that much, haha. I know it still does x3 but it shouldn't take away any of the joy of creating the thing :3
But yeah, the stresses and woes of game dev are endless x3 It's a good job the fun outweighs all of that :D I always tell myself, the day I stop enjoying making games is the day I should quit, but never before then!